RPS: It's not so hard... Right

Zane sat in a tree near where they were living. The pack had already moved from Dawn's apartment to a bigger house, albiet it was stolen; the residents were killed by Devon. Their new home was hidden away in the hills of the city's outskirts, where they didn't have to deal with the mortals going around so much. He was thinking on his past, when he was a newborn, when he was still in depression over still walking the earth when he was dead. The dead weren't suppose to keep walking. Necromancers broke that law a long time ago by making zombies. The thing was though, that zombies were in the lines of what the walking dead should be. Braindead. Sure vampires were the strongest monsters around, but undead shouldn't have been a real word; a word meaning those who've died still walked as though they were still alive, but had to take something from the living to keep from truly dying.

He curled up against the trunk as he wandered the past, thinking on things he could have done to keep everything that'd happened from happening. The ways he could've killed himself without being told to stop. He did know Eris would've told him to keep from ending himself or letting anything else kill him, but the loophole in that, now that he really thought about it, was that he could've done something that would've killed him without his direct request. An example would be pissing off the wrong people who could do something and then leaving himself open for an attack that would kill him. He didn't ask them to do it, but he didn't exactly kill himself either. What a great idea! If only he came up with it back then... Now he'd done too much to end himself without his pack falling apart. Now they relied on him for guidance. He couldn't let them down, not now...

Damn the Ravers for doing what they did. It was their fault things were like this now. If they just left Ashura alone, none of this all would've happened. At least he wouldn't have gotten involved in it all. He wouldn't have gotten bitten by Eris when he did, Cat wouldn't have been enthralled and imprisoned to keep everything to herself, lest she died, Devon wouldn't have been turned into a berzerk killing maniac, Dawn and all the other converts would've been left alone. They didn't need to suffer all they had. There was no reason other than the primals' petty revenge. Why them? Why not some other hunters? Like the freelancers? Zane sighed a small flame from his nose, yet to stop hating his own being for the decisions he'd made to get himself this far. This deep in a hole he could never get out of no matter how hard he tried. Even if he turned light again, he'd still have his reputation from his dark history, and being the convert of Eris regardless.

Why'd he go dark in the first place? Why? Just why? He kept telling himself he'd stay light, and yet he stabbed that word in the back and followed the darkness. He knew it was Eris' fault in that sense, but it was partially his fault for not keeping up the fight... Some of the others had though. Dawn, Lance, Jason, Sammy. Hell, Lance was the better example; he still had primal blood in him by the time they found him up on that hill, and yet he was still light enough to keep from attacking anything with blood even in his extreme bloodlust. Luna, Zera, even the primals because they had blood, whether it was partially dead or not. His vampire being wanted it and pounded him for it, but he held it back so damn well. Zane, however, caved in and turned out just like Eris. The very blood that fueled him. The others told him that blood didn't matter. Partially true, it didn't matter in the aspect of how he thought, but he gained his power from that blood, and hounding him as the primals were shoved him to grow dark with anger and hatred. His anger and hatred was fueled by his knowledge that no matter what he tried back then, the primals would just tell him to stop or do things as they saw fit. And he couldn't do a thing against their voice. Eris protected Ashura, so he couldn't do a thing to him either.

He found out life was unfair a long time ago, and hard, but this was just Hell on earth. And unless he was manually killed, he'd live on through years upon years upon years... But now that he was free of their blood, he had nothing holding him back from turning into a... Dare he think of the term? A saint? He had long enough, and he was getting lighter in the meanwhile since the Ravers switched his blood. All he had to do was train it. He just needed to calm down and not take things so seriously and malencholically. Maybe that was the reason he couldn't let things go; he was too sharp about it. Yeah, loosen up some. He was just tense about everything. Stifle a chuckle about something silly, maybe even say or do something humorous... Train his fire to ignite with light energies. Sure his dark fire was stronger, but why have that as his only weapon? Lance was right; use the stronger weapon when Zane needed to, but take the time away to strengthen his light fire. He'd have more variety then if his light fire got up to the same level as the dark fire. If Eris ever took away his dark fire, he'd still have his light fire as a backup. If that got taken away... Damn, he didn't even want to think about that. That would mean he'd have no fire fueling emotions, and thus hardly any emotions at all... Only ambition really. But he didn't want to be an android. It was bad enough he was forced to live as a vampire, but that would just destroy him.

Oh well, hope was still an accessable route, and may be the only option out of this turmoil... Zane was broken out of his fog of past thoughts as he spotted someone approaching him, and looked down at them passively...